It’s actually the ninth October I’ve lived without you. It’s weird. This has always been your month. It still is, even with you gone, but of course it’s different now.
I miss you. I wish I had a flight scheduled to come see you for your 36th birthday. Wish we were planning pedicures and which movies to watch, and I wish I was begging you to do something cute with my hair because you know I can’t.
I only ever had one sister. It doesn’t feel right that I don’t have you anymore. And the Octobers keep coming just the same.
There are so many things I love about this month. The leaves here are finally starting to change colors. It seems like it takes summer forever to get the hint that we don’t want it anymore so it still hangs on here even into September, clinging to the afternoons like caterpillars on twigs. But finally, in October, I feel fall stretching its legs, settling in. It’s sweater weather again. You know how much I love to pull my sleeves down to my palms. And I can sit on the porch under a heavy quilt and read my Bible or think about you in that fresh air. I love watching your nieces and nephews jump in the leaves in our front yard.
Remember the leaves around Carthage College we’d play in when we were younger? Remember the great Maple and Oak trees that timed the changing and falling of their leaves just perfectly for us? We’d walk the paths and crunch them, freshly fallen, under our feet.
Those leaves were dying. Their season was over, but ours was going to go on forever. I could not even imagine any season without you. We were immortal.
And now it’s October. Now it has been 9 Octobers without you. Can you imagine? A world where we aren’t together? It’s the weirdest thing. Who on earth am I to tell what’s in my crockpot today or what new cookie recipe I am considering trying or any of the other kind of meaningless information on which we could easily build 3 hours of conversation? Who on earth? You left this void that just simply cannot be filled and now, Sis, it’s October and I want you to blow out your candles.
I know it’s a myth that this world is our permanent home. I know we’re passing through- some of us more quickly than others. I know that “God has set eternity on the hearts of men” and that there is not any amount of pain and suffering that can’t be cured by heaven. By the presence of God. By my Savior, our Savior, who takes away the sin of the world and wipes the tears from my eyes. My hope is sure and secure and unwavering. We will have a reunion someday that will.be.glorious. Thanks be to God!
But right now, Sis, right here on earth, it’s October. And I miss you.